Have you ever heard: “Oh.. everyone should do it! It is so great for you! It has so many benefits! It will change your life!”
So… I sit down, cross my legs, close my eyes and suddenly… I’m meditating and everything is great! My mind calms! I love it! I want more!
Wrong!!! Not for me anyway!
All I remember is everyone telling me how great it is… how it would benefit me!! But in reality, it didn’t seem to benefit me a bit!! I was uncomfortable, thoughts and worries filled my mind! I never wanted to do it again!
Then… one night, I was overwhelmed with worries, thoughts, and responsibilities. I was not enjoying life a bit! I was getting frustrated with my children, my home and my life! I had enough! I asked my husband if he could watch the kids for 15 minutes so I could spend some time alone. As I sat in silence on the floor of my bedroom, I realized that I needed to find another natural way to calm my mind and bring peace and quietness to my heart.
I began searching for songs on my iphone that were relaxing to me. I came across the song, “The Universe” by Singh Kaur… I plugged in my head phones, turned out the lights, laid in bed with my legs uncrossed, and my arms softly along my side. The music began playing.
I quickly noticed thousands of thoughts and tension throughout my entire body. I laid there and thought….”what in the heck am I supposed to do!!?” I guess I should get up and get things done! “No!…. this is my time and I deserve it!” So, I decided to give myself just 15 minutes to relax… let go of everything….just for this brief moment in time!”
I surrendered. I began noticing the beauty of the music. I began noticing my breath. I began to notice tension and calm in different areas of my body. I began noticing thoughts. Tension throughout my body began to soften. I acknowledged my thoughts… but, gave myself permission to let them drift just for this brief moment in time– realizing that I had no intention to solve anything for just 15 minutes! My breath started to become softer and softer, more and more fluid. As I slowly inhaled, I noticed that my breath was starting to calm my entire being. As I exhaled, I noticed tension and worries begin flowing outward— gently, slowly, softly away from me… even more… and even more.
As time passed, the music became more pure, more vibrant, more beautiful, more peaceful. Slowly I noticed the words and how they were intended for all… for me… I noticed myself becoming more and more calm, more and more still. Thoughts began slowing… tension became less… it was almost as I was becoming lighter and lighter…even more and even more…
Suddenly, I opened my eyes and realized what had happened to me. I was at peace. I was calm. It was beautiful. Could this be meditation? 20 minutes had passed. I granted myself permission to close my eyes again and listen to the music again. This time… releasing, relaxing and calming even more.
That night I slept like a baby! I woke in the morning and felt calmer than usual. It was the strangest thing… I still experienced my day and thoughts as usual, but… my baseline of peace, calm, joy and seeing the beauty in all was magnified…by maybe 1%. As time passed, I found myself asking for short periods of time alone…to listen to music, calm my mind, and release worries and tension to the universe. Sometimes I didn’t get anywhere.. and sometimes it became more and more beautiful!
Still to this day…I know a place that I can go that is peaceful, calm, all loving, and ultimately recharges my soul, my life and my spirit!
T.S. Eliot once said, “I said to my soul, be still and wait without hope, for hope would be hope for the wrong thing; wait without love, for love would be love of the wrong thing; there is yet faith, but the faith and the love are all in the waiting. Wait without thought, for you are not ready for thought: So darkness shall be light, and the stillness the dancing.”
May you give yourself permission for just 15 minutes! Enjoy!! bmj